[Intro]
| Em | C | G | % |
| Em | C | G | % |
| Em | C | G | % |
| Em | C | G | % |

[Verse 1]
Em       C                G
  Suddenly it appeared a week ago
Em          C            G
  A bold arrangement of cells
Em            C              G
  The cheeto loogies had attracted worms
Em            C             G
  And all my horses sat in hell
Em                C                    G
  What about the gate with cheese made of cough phlegm?
Em                C            G
  What about the faces in the rain?
Em                C               G
  What about the people on that train that night?
Em                 C              G
  What about this feeling I have pain?

[Chorus]
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on that thing of mine
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on my thing 

[Chorus]
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on that thing of mine
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on my thing 

[Verse 2]
 Em                 C          G
The mites on trigger's face had killed a cop
 Em                 C          G
Our cat had flown to Abilene
 Em                 C          G
The flakes on station three had failed the test
 Em                 C          G
The tiny one was free
 Em                 C          G
What about the trip that day to the grocery store?
 Em                 C          G
What about the lipstick on the dog?
 Em                 C          G
What about the retard on the bridge that night?
 Em                 C          G
What about the headlights in the fog?

[Chorus]
 Em                   C                   G
The deal's in the flap on that thing of mine
 Em                    C            G
The deal's in the flap on my thing 

[Chorus]
 Em                   C                   G
The deal's in the flap on that thing of mine
 Em                    C            G
The deal's in the flap on my thing 

[Bridge]
 Am
Though I'm never gonna find the winner
 Am                               G
Am I ever gonna feel no better sometime?
  Am
Am I ever gonna be together?
  Am                            
Maybe somebody will change the weather
F                                D
Until then just lonely pictures sitting in the back of my head

[Instrumental]]
| Em | C | G | % }
| Em | C | G | % }

[Verse 3]
 Em                 C           G
It took the sun about a week ago
 Em                 C          G
The children had to run and hide
 Em                 C          G
The spider-dogs had warned us that
 Em                 C     G
The tiny one had lied
 Em                 C          G
What about the fifteen negro cheerleaders?
 Em                 C          G
What about a neosporin bib?
 Em                 C          G
What about the tiny one encased in ice?
 Em                 C          G
What about the lies we have to live?

[Chorus]
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on that thing of mine
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on my thing 

[Chorus]
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on that thing of mine
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on my thing 

[Chorus]
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on that thing of mine
 Em                 C          G
The deal's in the flap on my thing 

[Interlude]
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
| Em C | G | Em C | G |
   
[Outro]
 Em             C              G
And so the moral of this story is
 Em              C
Never cross an angel with an ass
 Em                 C          G
Never treat the shiny one to ice cream cones
 Em                 C          G
Never pinch a sweaty mean cop's ass