[intro]
D  A  D

[verse]
        D                                        A
Oh  the big  Five-0   uh-oh   it hits you like a bomb
       A                                 D
Your libido is waning and your memory is gone
         D                           D7            G
You can    well-nigh say goodbye to     get-up-and-go
A                                       D   A  D
How -de-do   welcome to   the big  Five-0

[verse]
    D                                                 A
The things you used to do all night back when you was 20
      A                                                D
Still reappear and bring you cheer but twice a year is plenty
     D                          D7         G
Your mind says "party" and your body says "whoa"
A                                               D   D7
Grind your gums     here comes     the big Five-0

[bridge]
        G                    D
You got sags of ever-growing size
        G                    D
You got bags underneath your eyes
          G                         D
You got a spare tire from all those beers
        E                        A
You got hair growin' out of your eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears

 [verse]
        D                                    A
You got a pain in your torso     achey-breaky bones
A
Dizzy spells and moreso     gallstones
   D                                  D7   G
It hurts for a week whenever you stub your toe
A                                              D    A   D    D7
Tough luck     you can't duck     the big Five-0

[bridge]
    G                           D
You work less before you take a break
    G                              D
You play less   it's hard to stay awake
    G                          D
You put less strain upon your heart
    E                              A
The only thing you do more of is faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart

[verse]
      D                                      A
Yeow  stay away from women   stay away from sports
        A
Is your hair all grey and thinnin'?   you bet your boxer shorts  you better
D                      D7     G
Watch your diet   eat  real  slow
A
You got all you're ever gonna get   careful not to work up a sweat

[outro]
A
Don't get upset   take another Tagamet   you're gonna regret you ever met
             D   A   D   A   D
The big Five-0