[Verse 1]
      Cm  N.C.
I was sitting in my armchair, watching my TV
Fm  N.C.
Searching for something half-decent to see
  G7  N.C.
I settled on a blockbuster action movie
       Cm
And in no time at all, the Hero was me
      Cm
I was using strong language, chasing bad guys
Fm
All hell breaking loose, before my eyes
  G7
Explosions, car chases, and fake alibis
Cm                                    G  N.C.
Butt naked babes with tattooed thighs

[Chorus]
          C   D7
Eye-ye-ye-ye
       G   E7
Eye candy
             Am   D7
Simulacra chimera
          G       N.C.
In loco parentis
          C   D7
Eye-ye-ye-ye
       G   E7
Eye candy
               Am            D7  N.C.
Effluent a-plenty pour it on
         G  N.C.
Mass media

[Interlude]
Cm

[Verse 2]
         Cm
At the ambassador's reception, I had to get away
     Fm
So I hid behind a pyramid of Ferrero Roche
G7
Only to find myself in Match Of The Day
          Cm
Scoring a last-minute goal against the run of play
       Cm
But no sooner had the referee's whistle been blown
      Fm
I was sucked into a computer graphic cyclone
    G7
And dumped on a sofa with a cartoon telephone
        Cm                                  G  N.C.
Telling me how easy it can be to get a loan

[Chorus]
          C   D7
Eye-ye-ye-ye
       G   E7
Eye candy
                  Am        D7
Soap operas as frequent as
             G        N.C.
Whacky co-presenters
          C   D7
Eye-ye-ye-ye
       G   E7
Eye candy
               Am            D7  N.C.
Effluent a-plenty pour it on
         G  N.C.
Mass media

[Interlude]
Cm

[Verse 3]
      Cm
I was being zapped around from place to place
     Fm
From World War II in colour to outer space
G7
Trying to save the future of the human race
Cm
I was the one with the lumps on his face
        Cm
I was a TV chef chopping up a courgette
          Fm
I was an emergency animal hospital vet
        G7
With my hand up some fluffy family pet
      Cm
I was trapped inside my own TV set
     Cm
In a mixture of panic and darkest despair
  Fm
I tapped on the glass to see if someone was there
  G7
I saw myself sitting in my own easy chair
  Cm
I waved but all I got was an empty stare
  Cm
I knew I was in trouble, my head was in a spin
     Fm
My reality dissolving like an aspirin
        G7
I was a dog food full of goodness and multivitamins
          Cm
I was the toilet bowl germ with the wicked grin.

[Chorus]
          C   D7
Eye-ye-ye-ye
       G   E7
Eye candy
               Am     D7
Reality fashionistas
                    G        N.C.
Bigger brothers and sisters
          C   D7
Eye-ye-ye-ye
       G   E7
Eye candy
               Am            D7  N.C.
Effluent a-plenty pour it on
         G Cm G
Mass media